vulpinedry

Documenting, Improving, Creating and Living.

Goals, Topics, Thoughts.

1. Make some solid mom friends.

2. Keep up my current friendships: Jaimie, Ashley, Judit.

3. Work smarter, not longer. Dissertation: Work hard, Get done.

4. Make daily To-Do Lists. Complete these To-Do Lists.

5. Stop being late.

6. Run.

Lateness.

My word for 2014 was “Schedule.” I had a new baby coming, would still be working on my proposal and dissertation, and I could tell that something would have to change. I had been used to waking pretty much when I felt like it, coming in to work when I felt like it, and leaving to come home only with just enough time to make some dinner for Kevin and I when it was my turn to cook.

Welp, those days are gone. I am now on a schedule, technically, but since nobody is pushing me to be exactly on time, it has become a schedule with a lot of wiggle room.

Monday, Wednesday, Friday– Wake at 5:45am. Dress and prepare myself for work, wake up Emma Rose, drop her off at A’s house at 7am. Drive into campus, park, walk into my office to start work by 7:30am. Work, pump 3x a day, eat lunch, work, work, work. Leave by 4:20pm and pick up Emma Rose at 5pm. Get home by 5:15 and make dinner. Put her to bed at 6:30pm, prepare for the next day, wash dishes, clean, do more work, relax, sleep.

Tuesdays and Thursdays– Wake up with Emma Rose, hang out, work while she naps, eat when she eats, go to story time, make dinner before Kevin comes home. Put her to bed at 6:30pm, prepare for next day, wash dishes, clean, do more work, relax, sleep.

I follow this oh-so-loosely. I forgot to set my alarm, so I was about 30 minutes late to drop-off today, then stuck in traffic, then dawdled my time away online for most of the morning at work. Also, I never pump 3x daily like I should. This leads to having to buy more formula for Emma Rose than I had originally intended, pre-baby. I don’t leave time for exercise, so I am completely unprepared for my 10k this weekend. I was so late to Kevin’s work event this past Saturday because I didn’t leave enough time for the inevitable diaper emergency, and then I showed up 1 hour late to my friend’s Pampered chef party the next day because I misread/misremembered the time.

This needs to change. I will be working on this aspect of life improvement daily. Wish me luck.

My Bunny

Emma Rose, you are my little bunny, and my little bean. You are so strong. You are growing every day, moving, crawling, scooting, pushing yourself up to stand. Today, you went to a new babysitter’s house since Ariana is celebrating Rosh Hashana. I was worried, but I feel like I know you enough to know that you are very adaptable. I imagined that everyone would love you and coo over you and that you would be sweet and kind. I thought of you being strong in your new surroundings because I wanted you to be. And I think it turned out well, by all reports. You were good and quiet while you were at the new babysitter’s house, and you were so amazed by all the other children and new toys and sights and sounds– despite waking up at 5:30am, you didn’t go down for a nap until 10am. You did look a bit shell-shocked when I left you, and even when I picked you up. I think I will always want to know, am I doing the right thing for you? Am I doing what’s best for you?

I want you to be strong, curious, smart, kind, and loving. Ask questions and I will answer you. Try new things and run around with your strong legs. Say kind things, smile with your heart. But feel free to cry. It is wonderful to feel things- to feel happy, to feel sad, to feel angry or jealous. I will hold your hand and hold you close to me, or let you sit by yourself if you need that.

I want to show you how many wonderful experiences there are in the world- parks, libraries, museums, apple orchards, lakes, beaches, mountains, paths. Biking, running, swimming, swinging at the park, climbing on rocks, wading in streams. I want you to know that your body is a tool and food is its fuel.

Be strong, be you, and I always love you, and I will always be there for you. Mindig itt leszek, mindig leszek az anyukad.

Bunny Turns One

One year of life.

My little bunny has turned one year old!

It is wonderful to see how she has grown. She was so tiny in our arms, snuggled and sleepy. She had us on a three-hour cycle of change, feed, look around with her little eyes, feed some more, sleep. While she slept as a newborn, I would either run around and try to figure out what to do with my two-handed freedom, or I would crash and sleep. Ok, I will admit, there were times that I frittered away my time on Facebook or reading my Kindle. We did get a lot of help, but there were plenty of times when I would look at her and wonder, when will you smile at me? When will you talk to us? When will you walk and eat and interact? Well, most of that has come to pass. The talking is still more babbling, but she will eat (not limited to just food; she tries to eat lint and cat fur and paper, too) real food and pick up books and look through them and entertain herself. She shrieks with joy to see the dog and cats, and she gets absolutely hysterical with joy when Daddy comes home! She can walk really quickly, and climb up stairs, and crawl under gates. She pushes things around (boxes, stools, walking toys), loves to unpack boxes, pull out all the books from her bookshelf.

I love her so much and I love to see her enjoying life. At story time (we now go to toddler story time!) she will walk around the room, staring at new people, touching new faces (which is usually not welcomed), picking up and holding toys, and she does a lot of watching the other children and adults. My favorite is when she will sometimes stop, and clearly look around to see where I am, and when I catch her eye, she will BEAM at me. “Yes, there you are, Mommy, look at me being independent!”

This is the small child I have been waiting for. She will point at things she likes and giggle when we play peekaboo. She likes reading stories, but usually at her own pace, looking at pictures, then quickly moving on. She will still endure my squishy hugs, but she can go to sleep on her own in her crib for all naps and bedtime. She is my little love and my bunny. I love my daughter so much, and I want her to know it. I just hope I am doing a good job!